Ok, so I know that it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but honestly, I’m a busy person. Besides is anyone even reading this anyway?

Well for the 2 people that probably do tune in an hang onto my every word, this one is for you! And to the other 3 people that probably stumbled upon this post by accident- I think you’re probably looking for this.

Anyway, the other day I was feeling pretty sad, and it dawned on me that it’s not really a feeling I like very much. So I made this list and an infographic to help me get through my sadness. Please note that I have not yet gone through all the steps as of yet, but I am just beginning to take the wheel on #5.

I also want to state that I am in no way responsible for anything that happens to anyone during their search for happiness while following my guidelines *ahem* this blog is all bullshit *ahem*.

1) Break something

I don’t know about you, but when I get sad, I usually also get angry. I find that breaking things, or smashing things or even just throwing things is a great way to get out a lot of pent up aggression. I recommend buying a watermelon from a nearby grocery store, and taking a hammer to it on your front lawn. This is guaranteed instant satisfaction for the small cost of $6 (or whatever the price of watermelons is in your hood).

2) Take your anger out on others

There are times when someone will blame me for something that I have done. Although their confrontation is generally warranted, I have too much pride to apologize, and so I just turn it around and take out any anger or sadness on them instead. Not only do you feel a bit better about your own situation, but now the person who made you feel like shit also feels like shit, so you can at least feel satisfied about that.

3) Drink to forget

If you’re over the legal drinking age in your area, I highly recommend stopping by the local liquor supplier and picking up a bottle of whiskey for yourself. Don’t just stop at one drink though. If you’re really feeling down on your luck, try your best to get through the entire bottle so you can forget everything bad that’s ever happened to you.

4) Eat your feelings away

Did you know that cookies and bagels cause your brain to produce high amount of serotonin and dopamine? Yeah the high level of fat and carbohydrates give you a momentary surge of happiness- of course you will face a far greater crash later, but then you can just eat more to make that go away.

5) Get into drugs

Am I allowed to even say this on the internet?

6) Pull the plug

I mean, it’s shitty to say, but if you’re really that upset, why don’t you just dig yourself a grave or something? No only do you not have to deal with a lifetime of misery, but the rest of us good folk don’t need to listen to your whining anymore. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.


**But like…don’t ACTUALLY pull the plug on yourself, because that would be really sad…And then I’ll go from having 2 readers to having none…**

All in all, I really hope that your sad days are few, because everyone truly deserves to be happy. And although this list of methods is pretty bullshit, maybe it lightened your mood a bit. If it made you more depressed, I’d advise against reading this blog because I have a very self-deprecating and insulting sense of humour. The most important piece of advice is: if something is making you sad, SUCK IT UP. Honestly, there is probably something worse in the world (unless you live in Greece, then shit, you have every right to be upset).

The Art of Bullshit: 6 ways to be happy